I read the preface and resonated with some of the concerns that Preston mentioned from his interactions with his LGBTQ+ friends. Important sidebar: YES! It is possible for Bible-believing Christians to have genuine friendships with people who identify as LGBTQ+!
Back to Preston’s story. He recounted a conversation where he was smoking cigars with his gay friend, where he affirmed that Preston’s book on homosexuality was re-humanizing in that his entire posture was talking with them rather than merely about them. And then his friend dropped this reality check:
“You know, Preston, by the time your book is published, the sexuality conversation will be surpassed by the gender conversation. Your book’s going to be dated before it hits the shelves.”
In that moment, I had my A Charlie Brown Christmas moment:
NOW I understood why I had a problem with this type of framework! I’ve invested most of my time trying to create a biblical paradigm (ie, a framework that balances biblical theology, neuroscience, endocrinology, human anthropology, psychology, and others in harmonious tension) about homosexuality and how Christians should respond – especially when relating to those within their circles who are homosexual – that I haven’t had sufficient time to think about developing a framework with people who are trans! I have friends and worked with colleagues who are openly gay, live with their spouse/fiancee of the same sex, and are some of the most genuinely nicest and hardest working people I know! If I had half of their character and work ethic, I would be a better person. In simplistic terms, when dealing with people who are LGBT, I’ve focused so much time on people who are L, G, and B at the expense of the T person! Now for some clarifying questions:
Was this on purpose, and that I’m prejudiced towards the trans community? I don’t think so (at least I hope not), and I’m sorry if my conduct came across that way.
Am I a transphobe? I hate having to be real with myself, but my answer is yes – if we talk about transphobe as “one who is afraid of trans people” (thanks medical terminology!). Why? Because I don’t have a robust, relational framework developed. And since I may put myself in a situation where I have no background information, then my response will be neither fight nor flight (as prior to reading this book, I affirmed that trans people are still people), but fright. I want you to know I’m committed to reducing the fright part and to embrace the uncomfortable nature of a lacking framework.
The only trans people I’m aware of are Nyla Rose from All Elite Wrestling (PS, Tony Khan, if you’re reading this, give her the Women’s Championship belt again! She really is The Native Beast), Caitlyn Jenner (ugggh), Laverne Cox from Orange is the New Black (sidebar: I’ve never watched the show – is it worth bingeing??), and Jazz from TLC’s I am Jazz. I’ve heard and know of them, but I don’t know them as a person.
Am I open to having friends who are trans? Sure! Now, I realize I’m already socially awkward enough, so don’t expect me to go Pinkie Pie on trans people and say “HI! I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!” #awkward. Moreover, I also don’t want to treat trans people as relational tokens (ie, have my future trans friend be someone I keep on the fringes of my circle, but close enough to tell people I have a friend who’s trans) – that’s cruel, especially with all they’ve likely had to endure.
The next major section Preston addresses are the smoking gun questions from Christians, parents, and even trans people about what the Bible and science say about the topic. Here are some of his questions he’s received:
- What does it mean to be male and female? Are these the only two options?
- Is it okay for a male to act feminine, or a female to act masculine?
- Could someone be born in the wrong body or have the soul of another sex?
- What pronouns should I use for my trans* friend?
- Where should trans* people sleep at summer camp? What about bathrooms?
- For parents, their child just came out as trans*, and they don’t know what this means or what to do, but they want to love them well and honor Jesus through it all, and are desperate for help. (Kudos to these parents!)
I found his list of questions helpful, as I don’t know where to start. I’ve certainly heard pronouns used within my friendship circles, and thought, “what’s the big deal? Really?”.
One point I do admire about Preston’s book is his posture and humility:
“This book is my fragile attempt to help us think more deeply and love more widely through a topic that sometimes lacks both.”
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I want to rightly handle the word of truth as a fellow workman of God (2 Tim. 2:15). God calls me to be faithful. God gave us brains to use to rationalize, think, and process with him in mind. But if the guidance and counsel I receive only contain “the Bible says” or “thus saith the Lord” statements, I wasted my time. Not because those statements aren’t true (or they could be; I need to test everything, according to 1 Thess 5:21). But I need – and want – to understand what all the other fields say about this topic. I want to be as well-rounded as possible, and discern where necessary.
Okay, that’s all for the preface. Feel free to leave any questions or comments below, and I’ll do my best to reply. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and guidance.
That said, if you’re ready to follow my journey, let’s go!
Philly Dad on the Run 